Evolution – a defective process

I am a firm believer of the theory of evolution. The theory is easily perceptible as we look at life-forms around, and off course on Discovery and Natgeo, and there is enough evidence to prove its correctness. Even the ancient Greek philosophers such as Anaximander postulated the development of life from non-life and the descent of man from animal.

This post is not about agreeing that our ancestors were primates who in turn could have had descended from fishes, snakes or perhaps even mango trees. Here I want to bring forward the defectiveness of the process of evolution.

When fishes wanted to fly evolution gave them wings, when the birds were tired of flying it gave them an extra pair of feet and a strong vertebrae [This is if we follow the ‘Birds Came First’ hypothesis]. More importantly evolution made humans smart enough to invent Coke to quench their thirst. But did human get a raw-deal overall?

What does man need to survive? I would say ‘food’ and ‘love’, with the order not being important.

Although evolution has empowered humans to do both, chew meat and gulp-down vegetables, the effect of this is disastrous. No matter what you eat, the extra flesh is added at only one location - ‘The Tummy’. This totally blemishes the physique and compels us to check our naked bellies in the mirror every night.

Talking about ‘love’, evolution should have figured out that men prefer women with cheerful faces, thin-long figures, narrow waists, soft hair, and flawless-skin allover; and made them accordingly. Even Chetan Bhagat has mentioned alike in his novel ‘The 3 Mistakes of My Life’. Good! Someone smart and famous has already been thinking along these lines.

Evolution has disappointed on both fronts. The more we work and the more we earn, the more restaurants we see serving delicious, fat-filled foods and the less time we have to tug-in the bulging bellies. Couldn’t evolution gift us a couple of sophisticated organs to digest the extra fat?

The more we want love the less qualified and fewer women we find. Imagine a class full of pretty faces or public places with only energetic, cheerful ladies. Wouldn’t that be a sight?

With evolution not serving humans adequately its time we take control in our own hands. Long live ‘Genetic Engineering’.

Food Crises

In recent months we have witnessed doubling or even tripling of the prices of common food items and ingredients in the country. This is attributed to the world-wide food shortage. Its in the papers, TV channels are showing ‘Badti kimto ki maar’, restaurants have reprinted their menus, and sizes of samosas and dosas have shrunken. The US president is making statements over it, common men are talking about it in offices, women are discussing it in markets and kitchens, and politicians are defending it. But I am unwary and carefree. Thanks to my fast-food and packed food habits.

For the rest of the country its time to analyze and save food, for me it’s the time to thank McD, KFC, Dominos and their alike. (For convenience I will call all these restaurants/companies, which provide us addictive and yummy food, as McD-KFC)

My Lays chips cost Rs. 10, the same as before. The zinger Rs. 65, McChicken Rs. 55. Fruit and Nut chocolate Rs. 80, cone ice cream Rs. 25, Maggie noodles Rs 11, Tropicana Apple juice Rs. 84. The price, quantity and goodness unaffected.

My grandmother had always told me to avoid McD-KFCs as they are unhealthy and expensive. Don’t think she believes the same anymore. Today millions of IT professionals and students in the country are claiming the benefits of McD-KFCs.

It's time for the Government to pitch-in support for the fast-food companies and give them grants, subsidies and relax all taxes for they are the ones who can bale us out of the food crises. I request the Central and State governments to pay 20% of the salaries to its employees in form of coupons usable at McD-KFCs.

Thanks to McD-KFCs we eat world-class burgers, fries etc. at national prices in lavish, attractive, air-conditioned setups. Look at the people in these restaurants as they bite into their burgers - savoring, smiling, chatting. All signs of a happy time.

Additionally these restaurants are open 11am-11pm without the beak for our convenience. Do you get haryali kababs and butter nun at 4pm, or pav-bhaji at 10 am in your city? McD-KFCs have several outlets in all major cities catering millions of Indians. The taste and prices of their menu-items are consistent allover.

Research by Pitu labs has shown that fast-food helps reduced stress levels in humans. Much required relief to over-used IT employees and over-burdened university students. Further Pitu labs has statistical evidence to prove that a regular-restaurant dumps about 10kgs (4kgs uncooked, 6kgs cooked) of food every day. And ‘we’ pay for what goes in the waste-bins.

Imagine the amount of food wasted in all restaurants all over the country in a year. Wouldn’t that be enough to feed the entire population of one of the small African counties for a month? Have you been a culprit in leaving behind curry, biryani-rice or pieces of rotis? Well! It’s not entirely the fault of the consumer; blame it on the improper cooking, inconsistent taste and quantity.

No one leaves a gram of bread or a minuscule chicken piece at a McD-KFC. Additionally, the way the food is served requires minimal washing of dishes, again saving on precious water and the environmentally harmful cleaning liquids. No one has suffered food-poisoning at a McD-KFC. It takes 20 mins less time to have a meal at McD-KFC in comparison with a local restaurant, and the food gets into your hands within 5 mins of you entering the restaurant. A combination of these factors leaves more time for work and study.

McD-KFCs we love you.