Ch 4 : Prytist, Pryteshe and Pryteshism
Pryteshism is the new social behavior and manners introduced by Prytesh. It has become a new standard today. After socialism, communism, communalism and Gandhism Pryteshism is perhaps the most influential 'ism' in the country. Even after a hundred years from now future generations will say, “Thank God, Prytesh was here to teach us all this”.
In all yester years Indians were condemned for being under-civilized, dirty and ill mannered, first by the Britishers and then by rest of the world. And Prytesh was born to rehash this opinion.
Today no Indian has to be ashamed or embarrassed to be at formal functions and gatherings along with the whites.
On the contrary, white skins are coming to Prytesh to learn.
A man following Pryteshism is called ‘Prytist’ and his female counterpart is called ‘Pryteshe’.
In Pryteshism the respect a man deserves is directly proportional to the ratio of length of his mustache to his height. And the most respected women are the ones who have lesser hair on their head then in their boyfriend’s/husband’s mustache.
In Pryteshism drinking lassi, curds and fruit drinks is a cool thing. You will easily find a Prytist asking for a ‘garam doodh ’, ‘nimbu paani’, ‘naaryal paani’ or ‘kokam sharbat’ in restaurants, college canteens, discos, night cubs, or just anywhere.
Pryteshism believes in ‘a bidi a day keeps the insects away’. Prytesh says, “A smoke before bed is good. It keeps harmful insects, naughty women and mischievous children away from the mustache.”
In Pryteshism you don’t have different glasses for champagne, wine and for whiskey. Any glass would work, as long as you can grip it even after getting drunk. By default Pryteshism discourages inhaling of alcoholic beverages in public places like bars, pubs and at parties. No one has ever seen a Prytist drunk and fallen on roads, gutters or in fields nor anyone has seen him hitting his Pryteshe after a drink or two.
A Prytist is a pure non-vegetarian, only because it’s too difficult to be a veggie. Prytesh explains, “In one kg of vegetables you find 50 gms of insects. And in rice or wheat available on fair prize shops you have all sort of things like bird droppings, lizard eggs, ants and insects. So what do you mean by a pure-veggie?? ”, he questions.
A Prytist enjoys his time outside his home. For a Prytist dancing is fine, as long as he doesn’t step on his partners foot. Holding the partner within 1/8th of an inch is seriously condemnable. While dancing leather shoes are necessary.
If invited at a party, no matchstick lights in his house on the party day. A Prytist attends any party with his Pryteshe, and doesn’t return unless the custards and puddings are over. Saw!!! Prytist doesn’t believe in wasting food.
A Prytist never acts romantic in public places. He won’t share a common ice cream with his Pryteshe in ice-cream parlors or on the beach. He never takes advantage of the darkness in cinema halls. He never whistles at girls on roadside.
During his student days a Prytist will never tickle girls nor will he pull their hair, not even during picnics and out-of-state tours.
A Prytist or a Pryteshe will never use an umbrella during rains, they use full size raincoats because in Pryteshism getting wet is considered as vulgar and highly explicit.
Prytesh is against kissing in public. “This might encourage spread of contagious diseases”, he argues. Hitherto Prytesh hasn’t commented on pre-marriage pregnancy and abortion. He considers these two as too sensitive issues.
Like Prytesh a Prytist believes in rising in love. A Prytist won’t write love letters, poems, or romantic novels nor gift teddy-bears to his girl. He’ll just say it orally and only once.
Prytists stand for ‘Dhaba’ foods. Prytesh once said, “Dust makes food tasty” and he is painfully true.
A Prytist won’t dirty any place by throwing waste paper, empty food packets, water bottles etc.
A Prytist is often found carrying the waste home if no ‘Use Me’ bins are present. If chewing a paan, a Prytist wont spit the colourful extracts on your clothes, car or on your face.
A Prytist always checks for the ‘MENS’ board before entering public toilets. He is never caught unzipped.
Prytist travels by public transport, but always allows women and elderly persons to climb buses first, no doubt he’s always late to class or office.
A Prytist is more than a gentleman, he never argues with bus conductors.
While going out for shopping a Prytist carries a engineering calculator with a graph generator. This is not to check how much he spends or to calculate who gives biggest discounts, but to check how much money is left in pocket.
A Prytist never allows himself to be embarrassed because of an empty wallet, for extra safety he always carries some Rs. 10 notes and coins in his shorts.
In all yester years Indians were condemned for being under-civilized, dirty and ill mannered, first by the Britishers and then by rest of the world. And Prytesh was born to rehash this opinion.
Today no Indian has to be ashamed or embarrassed to be at formal functions and gatherings along with the whites.
On the contrary, white skins are coming to Prytesh to learn.
A man following Pryteshism is called ‘Prytist’ and his female counterpart is called ‘Pryteshe’.
In Pryteshism the respect a man deserves is directly proportional to the ratio of length of his mustache to his height. And the most respected women are the ones who have lesser hair on their head then in their boyfriend’s/husband’s mustache.
In Pryteshism drinking lassi, curds and fruit drinks is a cool thing. You will easily find a Prytist asking for a ‘garam doodh ’, ‘nimbu paani’, ‘naaryal paani’ or ‘kokam sharbat’ in restaurants, college canteens, discos, night cubs, or just anywhere.
Pryteshism believes in ‘a bidi a day keeps the insects away’. Prytesh says, “A smoke before bed is good. It keeps harmful insects, naughty women and mischievous children away from the mustache.”
In Pryteshism you don’t have different glasses for champagne, wine and for whiskey. Any glass would work, as long as you can grip it even after getting drunk. By default Pryteshism discourages inhaling of alcoholic beverages in public places like bars, pubs and at parties. No one has ever seen a Prytist drunk and fallen on roads, gutters or in fields nor anyone has seen him hitting his Pryteshe after a drink or two.
A Prytist is a pure non-vegetarian, only because it’s too difficult to be a veggie. Prytesh explains, “In one kg of vegetables you find 50 gms of insects. And in rice or wheat available on fair prize shops you have all sort of things like bird droppings, lizard eggs, ants and insects. So what do you mean by a pure-veggie?? ”, he questions.
A Prytist enjoys his time outside his home. For a Prytist dancing is fine, as long as he doesn’t step on his partners foot. Holding the partner within 1/8th of an inch is seriously condemnable. While dancing leather shoes are necessary.
If invited at a party, no matchstick lights in his house on the party day. A Prytist attends any party with his Pryteshe, and doesn’t return unless the custards and puddings are over. Saw!!! Prytist doesn’t believe in wasting food.
A Prytist never acts romantic in public places. He won’t share a common ice cream with his Pryteshe in ice-cream parlors or on the beach. He never takes advantage of the darkness in cinema halls. He never whistles at girls on roadside.
During his student days a Prytist will never tickle girls nor will he pull their hair, not even during picnics and out-of-state tours.
A Prytist or a Pryteshe will never use an umbrella during rains, they use full size raincoats because in Pryteshism getting wet is considered as vulgar and highly explicit.
Prytesh is against kissing in public. “This might encourage spread of contagious diseases”, he argues. Hitherto Prytesh hasn’t commented on pre-marriage pregnancy and abortion. He considers these two as too sensitive issues.
Like Prytesh a Prytist believes in rising in love. A Prytist won’t write love letters, poems, or romantic novels nor gift teddy-bears to his girl. He’ll just say it orally and only once.
Prytists stand for ‘Dhaba’ foods. Prytesh once said, “Dust makes food tasty” and he is painfully true.
A Prytist won’t dirty any place by throwing waste paper, empty food packets, water bottles etc.
A Prytist is often found carrying the waste home if no ‘Use Me’ bins are present. If chewing a paan, a Prytist wont spit the colourful extracts on your clothes, car or on your face.
A Prytist always checks for the ‘MENS’ board before entering public toilets. He is never caught unzipped.
Prytist travels by public transport, but always allows women and elderly persons to climb buses first, no doubt he’s always late to class or office.
A Prytist is more than a gentleman, he never argues with bus conductors.
While going out for shopping a Prytist carries a engineering calculator with a graph generator. This is not to check how much he spends or to calculate who gives biggest discounts, but to check how much money is left in pocket.
A Prytist never allows himself to be embarrassed because of an empty wallet, for extra safety he always carries some Rs. 10 notes and coins in his shorts.
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