the impulsive mind

Customer Scare Centers

2009-04-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

CCC – Customer Care Center, CCE – Customer Care Executive

Sam stays in Bangalore, he wanted to apply for a new broadband connection for his home in Goa. He called a CCC number found on the Airtel website to inquire about the service.

(call to Airtel CCC)
Sam: Hello, Could you tell me if Airtel broadband service is available in Goa?
CCE: Just a min Sir.
CCE: Ha ha! You are calling Airtel Karnataka helpline and asking about connection in Goa. How am I suppose to know that Sir?
(Stumped! Sam didn’t expect the CCE guy to ridicule him this way)
Sam: Oh! Can you give me the Goa Customer Service number?
CCE: Just a min Sir.

(call to Airtel CCC)
Sam: Hello, Could you tell me whether Airtel broadband service is available in Goa?
CCE: Sir, Your good name please.
Sam: Sam D’silva.
CCE: Thank you sir. Can I have the number from which your are calling.
Sam: (gave the number)
CCE: I see that this is a Karnataka Vodafone number.
Sam: I just want to know about the availability of Airtel broadband.
CCE: But you are calling from Karnataka Sir.
Sam: Yes! I am.
Sam: Where is your call center located?
CCE: Pune.
(Goa & Maharastra come under same telecom service circle)
Sam: I just need to know whether…
CCE: You are calling from Karnataka and asking about broadband in Goa sir. You should call the Karnataka customer service center.
Sam: I called them, they told me to call you, infact I got your number from them.
CCE: But I can’t tell you about the availability of service in Goa sir.
Sam: Then who should I ask?
CCE: How can you get Airtel broadband if you have a Vodafone number?
Sam: (trying to be extremely polite and clear) Ok! Ok! If I take a new Airtel connection in Goa can I get broadband over it?
CCE: How can I know that sir? Since you are calling from a Vodafone number you should be calling the Karnataka Vodafone customer service center.
(He actually said this)
Sam: What???
CCE: Can I assist you with anything more?
Sam: No. Thank You.

(This is a transcript of an actual conversation which definitely did not take place on April 1st)

“Companies are using their customer care centers to scare away consumer from complaining”, says Prof. Pitu.

“Companies are spending their money in signing movie and sports stars and buying ad space rather than investing in training of their CCEs and improving their products. Companies are saving money by reducing call center work force and hiring CCEs with sub-zero IQ. By deterring customer complaints the CEOs create an illusion that no one complains, they have a great product. Time for a salary hike.”

Researchers at Pitu labs conducted a test to find what actually happens when a customer realizes that he/she is about to call a CCC.

About a thousand students from University of Krokosia (remember the movie The Terminal?) participated in the test.
1st the subjects were shown pictures of Snakes, Insects, burn victims, and clips from Ring (I and II), Raaz (II) and their brain activity was recorded. Later each subject was told to write down which pictures/clips they found scary.

Eight days later, all the participants were called again to the test center and were told that Pitu Labs would pay each of them Rs 1000 for participating in the experiment, but the condition is that they should call the Pitu Labs customer service center, get through the IVR and reach the CCE, give their personal details, preferred mode of payment and bank details. And this exercise should be repeated every day until they receive the amount.
Their brain activity was recorded again.

When the researchers used the software to compare the brain activity patterns in Case I and Case II, what did they discover?
The mere thought of calling the CCC created the same type of activity in the brain as the feeling of fear did in Case I.

Have you been through such horror?

The Caterer's Algorithm

2009-01-11T01:15:00.000-08:00

“India is unhurt by the recession, we still pay Rs. 30 for our meal”, one student said with a grin and others agreed with positive notes.

“It has been the same price for last 2 years”, student2.

“But, how is this possible yaar? Fuel and vegetable prices have gone up”, student3.

“All restaurants in the city have reprinted their menus with increased prices”, student4.

The question is - how can this caterer operate at old prices? Additionally, the caterer supplied food to a number of organizations and in mass quantities.

We as a perplexed lot turn to Prof. Pitu.

The following is the paraphrasing of the recount by the Professor.

I call it 'The Caterer's Algorithm'. It is something they won't be teaching you in the MBA schools.

This name was coined after a caterer implemented a strategy to make huge profits at same prices. The following incident happened for real at an educational institute, infact it so real that I have to protect the identity of the institute and the caterer. Let me call the institute - ‘SIHS’ (Some Institute of Higher Studies), and the caterer - 'Ramu caterers'.

SIHS had over 500 students, and a fully residential campus. Ramu Caterers ran a mess (for meals) and a canteen(for tea and snacks).

At that time the country was sinking in a economic turmoil - prices of all commodities were up, inflation was at 12.25%, companies were downsizing, startups were shutting, banks were filing for bankruptcy, and millions of young college passouts were left jobless.

Ramu had to make his business survive, he had 30 employees and served orders at more than 10 organizations (including the illfated SIHS).

And Ramu saved it all by his own, without hiring any of our MBA buddies.

Being a very organized algorithm there are different strategies for canteen and mess management.

Ramu implemented the follow strategy for his canteen.

1) He hired Shantanu – a semi literate guy in his 20s who only understood the local language to serve tea/coffee. Shantanu was told to underfill the cups by about 20%, a well calculated limit. Shantanu was a face well chosen.

2) Most students did not realize the decrease in quantity. Incase anyone complained, Ramu would intervene and apologize to the customer saying, “Sorry bhai, he is new. He does not know how we deal here.” To finish with, he rebuked Shantanu, “Arey, fill the cups properly. This is our special customer”.

3) Ramu realized that the customer complained only 15% of the time. Considering the canteen sold about 1000 cups of tea/coffee every day, the ignorant-acting Shantanu saved him about 150 cups. That’s Rs. 750/day and Rs. 22500/month.

4) When one student threatened to complain to the food committee, Ramu put the entire blame on Shantanu and fired him. Shantanu was replaced by another guy who was told to execute the same algorithm with other products, e.g. milk shakes, sandwiches. This cycle continued, with the server and the food items changing each time.

As SIHS had students from all over the country, Ramu had to serve north Indian as well as south India dishes. Two cuisines meant increase in the number of dishes. Ramu adopted a simple mantra – the quality should ensured that everyone was equally unhappy and abstained from eating.

1) At the start of the semester (2-3 weeks) he served good food and secured the contract for the entire sem.

2) Then on, he deliberately prepared bad food from the cheapest vegetables available in city. He did not hesitate to make the same dishes all 7 days of the week.

3) Observing this pattern, many students got frustrated and started surviving on snacks (boosting ramu's canteen business) or began to eat out of campus.

4) At this stage, Ramu started preparing food only for 200 students, but he got paid for 500, as the institute rule was if a student subscribes he/she pay for all meals. The mess bill always remained a constant. Ramu's extra income was 300*30*60 = Rs. 5,40,000/month.

5) As a precautionary act Ramu cooked some good dishes, and nutritious vegetables 2-3 times a week. But again, he had to cook for 200 plates only. He tactfully selected these days on random, students had already planned to skip meals or eat out.

6) The fact that almost all students had seen 'Rang De Basanti' (Zindagi jeene ke do tarike hote hai, jo hota hai hone do, dekhte raho ya use badalne ki jemmedari lo) made a cover-up plan a high priority. Ramu paid special attention to the likes/dislikes of the food committee members and maintained a good repo with them to subdue any complain or retaliation. Additionally, he greeted them in local language, and played local FM channels whenever possible.

There was no danger from the Professors/Staff as most of them got tiffins from home or had enough money to eat at the good restaurants. Infact SIHS management had the view, “Why should we change the caterer, he is serving quality food as reasonable prices. He's the best for our students”

Since SIHS conducts masters courses only, every batch finished in 2 years, and a new one joined every June. Ramu could continue his algorithm for years until a student discovered it, analyzed and rationalized its different aspects and presented it as the final sem thesis.

The use of this algorithm is perfectly legal, as there is no law against keeping 20% of the cup empty. Additionally, our constitution does not define the term “Bad Food”.

This was the caterer's algorithm. Simple, ingenious and effective. Today Ramu works as a consultant to the World Bank, he is involved in passing loan proposals and in several micro-finance programs in developing countries.

All you wanted to know about making big money

2008-10-27T05:07:00.000-07:00

Hello All. I am writing a book ‘All You Wanted to Know About Making Big Money’. Well! I confess I don’t know everything about making money yet, but jo hai usi se kaam chala luknga. I am hoping the title will attract readers and make them believe that it will change their lives financially or atleast that they will gain the esoteric treasure of uncommon knowledge which the exceedingly pitiable nonreaders wont.

I may not be wealthy or employed, but I almost got two of my friends rich, very very rich. Only problem was that they didn’t accept the massively lucrative plans I had for them. My book will list these anecdotes. Anecdotes will earn me credibly and make the readers realize how miserable things get when I am not listened to.

What if my methods don’t succeed in earning big cash for the readers? To begin with, most of my readers will be from the ‘I am unfortunate’, ‘I don’t want to take risks’ and ‘Someone please help me’ classes. These people often blame their own misfortune and attitudes for things going wrong.

I will keep the style simple and will use the GRE vocabulary only sparingly. This is because most of the people who buy self help books are poor at English and often low on confidence. You may be wondering how many copies will sell. Friends! The real money and fame is in the lecture circuit (as Dilbert once said). I have got it all planned out. I have about a dozen friends who blog regularly and have a significant readership. One friend runs an online magazine called Blogloid. I will get positive reviews written from them, and their posts will also feature an 800*600 pixel image of the front cover.
Voila! You will be able to google out my great piece of work.

Hundreds of MBA institutes have mushroomed in our country in the last 10 years or so. To prove that they are good enough they want action, they want visibility, they want space in the papers. There is a good chance that many of these institutes will invite me to lecture their students; I may get a position as a visiting faculty.

Some of the MBA institutes may award me; example would be Chintulal Khaspitiya Institute of Management and Entrepreneurship’s author of the year, and Sri Sri Pandit Raghunath Vishwa Swami School of Business Management’s award for valuable contribution in the field of business writing. I like awards, specially the ones with long funny names. I would get to write columns in local newspapers too. The possibilities are limitless.

Kindly leave you email or phone number in the comments to get entitled for a free copy of ‘All You Wanted to Know About Making Big Money’.

For now wish me ‘Good Luck’.

Conversations

2008-10-12T07:56:00.000-07:00

The real issues faced by real people

27th Jan 2008, at Dona Poula, Goa
Raghu: Every time I see you, your belly seems to have grown. (Tapping on Rajesh’s stomach)
Rajesh: This proves that “Poor India, Hungry India” is a myth.
Rajesh: Nice too see you after a long time.
…
…
Raghu: What are your career plans?
Rajesh: Can’t say yaar. Right now I am awaiting an onsite trip.
Raghu: Nice. Which place and how long?
Rajesh: UK. Can’t say how long, they said it can be between 10-15 months.
Raghu: How about starting your own software firm some day?
Rajesh: That’s a good thought yaar. But starting a company and getting clients needs a very organized setup. I don’t have much business sense anyways.
Raghu: We just need to built a internet product to solve some existing problem. The funding, business plan and mentoring can come from an incubator or a VC.
Rajesh: This works in US and Europe yaar.
Raghu: Now it works in India too. Entrepreneurship is encouraged by educational and financial institution. Indians are starting their own businesses in a big way.
Rajesh: One has to be born special to get in the league of Gates and Jobs. (grins)
Rajesh: I just can’t imagine myself in that scenario. Currently I am getting good responsiblies in office; I have been working hard and just started receiving the appreciation. Should get promoted to a software architect in a year. I am working on a niche technology; an architect has a great demand in job market.

3rd July 2008, over Gtalk
…
…
Vicky: I work like a dog and still seriously underpaid man.
Raghu: You should consider switching. Send me your resume. I shall forward it to my friends here.
Vicky: Oh yes. I need to prepare it this weekend. Can you send me a good resume format?
Raghu: Definitely. I shall email you some templates I downloaded, plus my resume.
Raghu: What are your long term career plans?
Vicky: I am thinking of doing MBA in coming years. Didn’t get to prepare this time. Should try for CAT, XAT next year.
Raghu: From s/w to MBA? That’s a diametric shift.
Vicky: I liked C, they put me on Java. I wanted Sql, they put me on web services. Can’t take those objects, exceptions and error codes for 16 hours a day anymore. MBA has good money and a job guarantee. My manager, a MBA, relishes company sponsored car, foreign trips, and a lavish life. I have to slog over the weekends while he is enjoying meals with his family.
Raghu: How about we starting our own firm and becoming our own bosses?
Vicky: Own business??
Raghu: Yup! There is money and glory in it.
Vicky: I am not sure man. If I do a MBA I will get a well paying Job. It’s a totally different future then on. Leaving a job for business! It won’t work for me.

5th Oct 2008, over the Phone
…
…
Shyam : Just back from Mumbai this Monday. Had critical family discussons.
Raghu: You remember the conversation we had at your place last year?
Shyam : Well! A lot of things have changed since then. Radhika’s family is pressing us for marriage, as she is 25 already.
Shyam : I am expected to get financially stable. I have purchased a flat here in Pune. The EMI is 21K. My parents say I need to have savings of around 6 Lakhs before I can tie the knot.
Raghu: Oh! A lot happening huh.
Shyam : At times I get exhausted only by pondering and planning for the future. A internet startup was my dream, but the situation I am in, I can’t afford to quit my day job and join you. It’s impossible.
Shyam: If you go ahead you have my moral support, I can even contribute working on weekends. But a full time commitment is not feasible.

9th Oct 2008, at Kormangala, Bangalore
Aurang: Wish you a happy Dassra.
Raghu: Wish you too. I can feel the festive mood in the air.
…
…
Raghu: No better day then Dassra to talk about starting our own company.
Raghu: Did you evaluate the business plan I emailed you last night?
Aurang: It’s a wonderful idea. Only a brain like you can think so. I am telling you, if you start it's going to be big.
Raghu: You graduating coming June right? How if you join us? We need a team.
Aurang: Thanks for the offer. But I really can’t think of getting into a startup. I have taken a loan of 6 Lakhs for my MBA course. Moreover, my dad retired from service last year.
Raghu: Look at it. This is the best time to start; funding and mentoring is available, broadband internet is reaching even the smaller cities and 3G to be launched in 2009. People here have the jobs and the money. It's the time to build products for Indian customers.
Aurang: What you say may be true but my 1st priority is to recover my investment in MBA and support my family financially.
Aurang: The placement drive begins this December and with the 3 yrs of work experience behind me I am hoping to earn a 10L plus offer.

Towards the Green Flames

2008-08-22T05:16:00.000-07:00

In the past 1 yr or more I have come across many blogs and news articles on global warming, renewable energy and eco-friendly processes.

I am a frequent visitor to http://earth2tech.com/ and http://www.sciam.com/energy. It is impressive to see so much work going on in building alternate fuels. Other news stories discuss eco-tourism, energy-efficient buildings, waste-management and other concepts which require a ‘hyphen’. Even Goa government has plans for green-tourism.

For once humans have learnt to care for their environment.

Some two years back bio-diesel was seen as a green alternative to fossil fuel. But we have learnt that the process of creating this alternative inturn add substantial amount of CO₂, and requires large energy input to grow the crops. One documentary on Net-Geo showed how vast forests were depleted in Indonesia to produce palm-oil to be supplied to Europe and America for bio-diesel production.

Fuel-cell powered cars are not currently viable as the hydrogen required is not freely available and the process of producing hydrogen is mentioned to be highly polluting. Additionally the cost of these vehicles is very high.

Electric vehicles get a thumb-down for their low speeds and battery charging times.

Hybrid vehicles are not really an alternative looking a decade into the future, as one of the engines is a conventional hydrocarbon powered ICE.

An electric engine cannot be said to be 100% pollution free. The electricity could be coming from burning coal. Hydro-electricity is clean but the dams built require thousands of tonnes of cement, and often thousands of hectares of forest and farm land get submerged under the dam water.

Solar power by far appears as the cleanest and safest. Either sunlight is used to generate electricity by solar-cells or solar heat is concentrated [using parabolic-reflectors/mirrors] and used in power stations. The energy conversion ratio in solar-cells still remains low, and there are only 2 major solar power stations in operation.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/6616651.stm

Wind power is another clean alternative. But there are social issues with setting up large wind-mills. The following link lists some successful and failed projects.
http://ecoworldly.com/2008/08/20/13-magnificent-renewable-energy-successes-and-failures/

We realise that humans can’t do without constructing buildings, machines, roads; and industrialization. These are essential for sustaining the basic quality of life, leave aside improving it. But these are the activities whose execution is threatening the existence of life itself.

I would base my writing on known facts and common sense [with the order not being important]. Some of the ideas proposed below could be superficial or good ones which could have been written about elsewhere.

The CO₂ emitted from industries, which constitutes about 17% of total green house emissions, could be used to produce substances which can be a replacement to cement. Producing cement is highly polluting - makes up 3% of the CO₂ emitted from burning of fossil fuels, and an energy consuming process.

Methane is a green house gas. Now imagine a sphere of sponge like material floating in the sky a few hundred meters above the ground. The material will be such that it absorbs few tonnes of methane. This could be extracted as fuel. Same treatment can be given to Nitrous Oxide and CFCs.

The disposed plastics, which are ubiquitous, could be converted to a substance to be used in building roads and in civil constructions.

Human and animal waste should be probed to extract chemicals which could be used in making, say, paints and medicines.

Hydrogen for fuel cell could come from the bacterial decomposition of industrial waste.

The salinity difference between sea water and river water at the conjunction could be exploited to generate electric current. Similar with the salinity difference at different depths in the sea. I learnt in high school that electrons flow whenever there is a difference in potential.

The aluminium panels covering facades of building absorb heat during day. This heat could be used to generate electric current through thermoelectric effect. Alternatively the heat could be used directly to heat water for domestic use. This will also reduce the heating of the building resulting in decrease in cooling needs.

High speed trains which can cover upto 300 kms/hr could be put into service to reduce dependencies on airplanes for long distance travel [Anyone saying a ‘no’ to a 3 hrs Bangalore-Mumbai train trip?]. Trains are far less polluting than airplanes, and consume less fuel per-passenger per-mile.
http://www.seat61.com/CO2flights.htm

A flat device at deep sea bottom could convert the potential energy due to the weight of the water into some usable form. Imagine the vastness of the seas; this could be an inexhaustible energy source.
The waves and tides which are everlasting and continuous could be used to drive turbines.

The earth’s magnetic force could be used to do useful work or the heat beneath the earth’s crust could be unleashed for generating electricity. Tornados, and the cyclones which hit the east-cost of India every year could be harnesses for energy, possibly reducing their destructive tendency.

As we understand the green-energies won’t be here to replace the convention fossil fuels ones until a decade or two. Some countries have declared to obtain 20% of their energy from renewable sources by 2020 [UK is said to be seriously lagging behind on this resolution ready].

The times ahead may be long and difficult but promise a greener, cleaner future.

The Story of Naugad

2008-07-11T04:41:00.000-07:00

In an alternate world far-far away there’s a country of a million ‘Naugadvasis’. A few hundred years ago Naugad was the economic and cultural hub of the alternate world – a land blessed with natural resources and the technical advancements brought about by its efficacious people. Then a calamity struck - the ancestors in the charm of joy and prosperity failed to submit the ‘Speroid of Susakchet’ to the fires of the two-tower volcano. The prosperity collapsed and the glorious era came to an end.

In the years that followed Naugadvasis lost their technological headway; vast lands turned barren, rivers changed their paths wiping towns and eroding mountains. Every disease known to mankind showed itself in the people. Naugadvasis got lost in a sea of poverty, corruption, and misery.

A few hundred years under this curse and Naugad saw a ray of hope, but Naugadvasis thought it was the new sun itself. Electronic machines called computers had been invented in the land called Mordor. The inhabitants of Gordor and Rohan lands also used these machines extensively and were dependent on them. Naugadvasis found a fortune in writing software for the machines. They could develop it much faster and at lower costs. The Naugad economy picked-up, its citizens could find jobs in thousands as software developers. The benefits transgressed to other sectors too; the healthcare facilities and public infrastructure improved. Naugad was once again under focus – the way it had been before the ancestors committed the mistake.

One thought that the spell of the curse was over. Software development became the most aspired occupation of its people. Bright minds which could have otherwise worked in the fields of chemistry, nuclear physics, pharmacy, medicine, mechanics shifted to software for the easy jobs, higher pays and foreign trips. The leaders of Naugad encouraged this by letting more institutes of software technology to setup and by setting software firms free from tax.

Individuals who didn’t have any aptitude for computer science started taking positions in software companies which needed them in tens of thousands. Consequently the quality of deliverables decreased, project management grew difficult; and Mr. Pareto came at every large glass window to preach his 80:20 principle. Life for the deserving developers became laborious – doing 80% of the work and correction defects introduced by the rest 80% of the under-performers.

Meanwhile other countries like Chunalgad, Vatika, Subedha learnt the art of software development and gave Naugad a tough competition. This resulted in the decrease in salaries, poor working conditions, and increase in the workload. On the other hand Mordor, Gordor, Rohan benefited from the low cost software and had their funds and people in the direction of new chemical compounds, hybrid automobiles, mass transportation, renewable energy, synthetic food, nanotechnology, space-energy efficient microprocessors, waste recycling, water harvesting and other desperately needed technologies.

Mordor invented an electric car which has running costs of $0.005/Km; and a 99% safe radioactive waste disposal system. A Gordorian company discovered the formula for synthetic food for farm-animals and pets. Rohan invented bacteria which converts bio-waste into hydrogen, a solar power plant, and built a train which crossed the 500kms/hr bar.

Naugad needs all the above items, for sustaining its economy and maintaining the quality of life of its citizens. But it continues to sleep in its software dream.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

2008-06-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

To begin with let’s look at what some of the great minds had to say about human stupidity.

Albert Einstein: “Great ideas often receive violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

Albert Einstein: “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

Aldous Huxley: “At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity”.

Konrad Adenauer: “In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.”

Voltaire: “The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.”

Frank Zappa: “There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.”

George Bernard Shaw: “When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.”

Why did these famous individuals take time to comment on human stupidity?
My belief is because stupidity is everywhere and so are stupids. The proverb “Every village has its stupids” reemphasizes that wherever you go you will find them.
Like entropy stupidity in the universe must only be increasing.

You must have heard the saying “If you want something to be done right, do it yourself”. Atleast I have. If the job lands in the hands of a moron it could be messed-up big time.

When I was in class 7 our Hindi teacher gave us homework to write an essay on the theme “Samudra kinare pe ek ghanta”. Students wrote about collecting sea-shells, playing football, a picnic and similar events on the beach. One student was confused; ‘ghanta’ meant ‘an hour’ or ‘a bell’. He wrote about himself finding a bell on the beach. The teacher read out his submission and the entire class had a riot. This incident became so popular that students teased him ‘ghanta’, and eventually that became his nickname. Even today my schoolmates say on the phone, “Can I speak to ghanta?”

During my college days once we had a group assignment to solve a crossword. The class was divided into 8 teams. Students got busy discussing, arguing, thinking, and searching clues on notebooks and on the net. A teammate who set behind me kept bothering the rest of us, “What does (5,3) mean”, “What is 11 down?”, “5 across?”, “What’s 2 down?”, “Do you know 10 across?”. He did this the entire 15mins that my team took to solve the puzzle; irritating and disturbing our concentration. We lost time and were the 4th to finish.

A friend of mine once told me about one of his project meetings. A lady was told to program the ‘user registration’ module and submit it fully tested. When asked why the module allowed more than 1 user to take the same username she argued that when the passwords are different there is no need for checking for same username. She spent the next 10mins explaining how the probability of two users having the same password is microscopic.

A TV news report said that farmers in a remote village in Maharastra suspected the newly installed windmills for lack of rainfall. An opposition MLA was shown saying that the rains had reduced since the installation of the windmill, the windmills must be driving the clouds away.
Some individuals choose to act stupid.

The ‘Ergonomics and Economics 2007’ report prepared by Pitu labs says that in software industry each high performing developer spends 20% of his office-time in arguments with stupids; making them understand concepts or correcting their mistakes. The report further says that 45% of the project maintenance is fixing defects.

Don’t you wonder how come stupids reach universities or find jobs?
There must be some stupids already in the government agencies, HR departments of private companies and in universities who recruit or accept new stupids in their organizations. This way the cycle continues.

When smart people are busy finding solutions to problems and working effectively, stupids are engaged in finding shortcuts to the top. Most of them eventually get into politics and rule us. This explains the current state-of-affairs and the reason why governments can’t set things right.

Is case of ambiguity a stupid will choose the most incorrect, meaningless and unsafe option. And usually he/she would do this after hours of senseless thinking and useless analysis.

Discussing stupidity or mocking at stupids over the coffee table could be fun; but imagine the catastrophe that could occur due to stupid action at a nuclear power station, active war zone, submarine, construction site or a mine. Actually difficult to imagine, because stupids often cross all limits to do the unthinkable.

We have all behaved stupid at some time or the other. This may happen due to ignorance, lack of alertness, or sheer bad luck; but for some individuals stupidity is the way of life.

It’s possible to make a thing fool-proof but not stupid-proof.

Evolution – a defective process

2008-05-30T04:29:00.000-07:00

I am a firm believer of the theory of evolution. The theory is easily perceptible as we look at life-forms around, and off course on Discovery and Natgeo, and there is enough evidence to prove its correctness. Even the ancient Greek philosophers such as Anaximander postulated the development of life from non-life and the descent of man from animal.

This post is not about agreeing that our ancestors were primates who in turn could have had descended from fishes, snakes or perhaps even mango trees. Here I want to bring forward the defectiveness of the process of evolution.

When fishes wanted to fly evolution gave them wings, when the birds were tired of flying it gave them an extra pair of feet and a strong vertebrae [This is if we follow the ‘Birds Came First’ hypothesis]. More importantly evolution made humans smart enough to invent Coke to quench their thirst. But did human get a raw-deal overall?

What does man need to survive? I would say ‘food’ and ‘love’, with the order not being important.

Although evolution has empowered humans to do both, chew meat and gulp-down vegetables, the effect of this is disastrous. No matter what you eat, the extra flesh is added at only one location - ‘The Tummy’. This totally blemishes the physique and compels us to check our naked bellies in the mirror every night.

Talking about ‘love’, evolution should have figured out that men prefer women with cheerful faces, thin-long figures, narrow waists, soft hair, and flawless-skin allover; and made them accordingly. Even Chetan Bhagat has mentioned alike in his novel ‘The 3 Mistakes of My Life’. Good! Someone smart and famous has already been thinking along these lines.

Evolution has disappointed on both fronts. The more we work and the more we earn, the more restaurants we see serving delicious, fat-filled foods and the less time we have to tug-in the bulging bellies. Couldn’t evolution gift us a couple of sophisticated organs to digest the extra fat?

The more we want love the less qualified and fewer women we find. Imagine a class full of pretty faces or public places with only energetic, cheerful ladies. Wouldn’t that be a sight?

With evolution not serving humans adequately its time we take control in our own hands. Long live ‘Genetic Engineering’.

Food Crises

2008-05-21T23:26:00.000-07:00

In recent months we have witnessed doubling or even tripling of the prices of common food items and ingredients in the country. This is attributed to the world-wide food shortage. Its in the papers, TV channels are showing ‘Badti kimto ki maar’, restaurants have reprinted their menus, and sizes of samosas and dosas have shrunken. The

president is making statements over it, common men are talking about it in offices, women are discussing it in markets and kitchens, and politicians are defending it. But I am unwary and carefree. Thanks to my fast-food and packed food habits.

For the rest of the country its time to analyze and save food, for me it’s the time to thank McD, KFC, Dominos and their alike. (For convenience I will call all these restaurants/companies, which provide us addictive and yummy food, as McD-KFC)

My Lays chips cost Rs. 10, the same as before. The zinger Rs. 65, McChicken Rs. 55. Fruit and Nut chocolate Rs. 80, cone ice cream Rs. 25, Maggie noodles Rs 11, Tropicana Apple juice Rs. 84. The price, quantity and goodness unaffected.

My grandmother had always told me to avoid McD-KFCs as they are unhealthy and expensive. Don’t think she believes the same anymore. Today millions of IT professionals and students in the country are claiming the benefits of McD-KFCs.

It's time for the Government to pitch-in support for the fast-food companies and give them grants, subsidies and relax all taxes for they are the ones who can bale us out of the food crises. I request the Central and State governments to pay 20% of the salaries to its employees in form of coupons usable at McD-KFCs.

Thanks to McD-KFCs we eat world-class burgers, fries etc. at national prices in lavish, attractive, air-conditioned setups. Look at the people in these restaurants as they bite into their burgers - savoring, smiling, chatting. All signs of a happy time.

Additionally these restaurants are open 11am-11pm without the beak for our convenience. Do you get haryali kababs and butter nun at 4pm, or pav-bhaji at 10 am in your city? McD-KFCs have several outlets in all major cities catering millions of Indians. The taste and prices of their menu-items are consistent allover.

Research by Pitu labs has shown that fast-food helps reduced stress levels in humans. Much required relief to over-used IT employees and over-burdened university students. Further Pitu labs has statistical evidence to prove that a regular-restaurant dumps about 10kgs (4kgs uncooked, 6kgs cooked) of food every day. And ‘we’ pay for what goes in the waste-bins.

Imagine the amount of food wasted in all restaurants all over the country in a year. Wouldn’t that be enough to feed the entire population of one of the small African counties for a month? Have you been a culprit in leaving behind curry, biryani-rice or pieces of rotis? Well! It’s not entirely the fault of the consumer; blame it on the improper cooking, inconsistent taste and quantity.

No one leaves a gram of bread or a minuscule chicken piece at a McD-KFC. Additionally, the way the food is served requires minimal washing of dishes, again saving on precious water and the environmentally harmful cleaning liquids. No one has suffered food-poisoning at a McD-KFC. It takes 20 mins less time to have a meal at McD-KFC in comparison with a local restaurant, and the food gets into your hands within 5 mins of you entering the restaurant. A combination of these factors leaves more time for work and study.

McD-KFCs we love you.

India 2020

2008-04-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

Like 99.9% of my fellow countrymen I breed an opinion on every topic in the news, although I am an expert in none.

Web logs must be seen as a great ‘vardan’ to Indians; now we can float our opinions online for free and assume millions are reading and agreeing with us.

Well! I am taking my chance and writing about my thoughts on our country's future. My apologies to our respected ex-president for stealing the title. By the year 2020 India will be on the verge of becoming a developed country. The life, value system, and dynamics in the country will be different than what we see today. A lot of hindrance we encounter in health-care, education, mass-transportation etc. will no longer exist.

In general, citizens will be happier and carefree. [This is partly because they would have judged me as their spiritual leader and would abide by my instructions... just kidding ;) ].

By 2020 the number of news channels in the country will exceed 1500, that’s 36000 TV hours per day. Consequently, every citizen would have appeared on TV at least once. What your dog is having for lunch may be broadcasted live someday. Even the dippers your wife brought for your baby will get in news.

News distribution will be an industry in itself employing more than 100 million.

A new concept of news-messaging will be in use. You will not phone your mom to say “I will be late”, you will say it on live TV on one of the news channels.

The number of regional political parties will be around 10 thousand; the average number of candidates per constituency will be 1200 in most of the northern states.

The cost of elections will be so high [10 times India’s Moon mission budget to be more specific] that we will have them strictly once in a decade.

The slimming and body shaping clinics will be completely out of business. 65% of the population will be staying in cities. Students from smaller towns and villages will come to cities for studies, then find jobs there and get settled for half of their remaining lives. By this way 80% of the citizens would have spent at least 20 years of their lives in cities; over burdened with work and surviving on fast food and aerated drinks. This way every one will be looking like an inflated balloon. In fact this will be the standard size.

India will be hunger free. Surprisingly this will not require the advent of a food revolution or genocide of the starved.

If you notice carefully, non-vegetarianism and stray-cattle have a relation. By 2020 all families, which have less than a meal today, will become strict non-vegetarians and feed on the freely roaming cattle.

India’s power needs will go down. Technological advances will eclipse the existing power hogging devices. The kind of devices and the way we will use them will change completely. Many of the mechanical gadgets will be replaced by the more efficient electronics and nano-technology ones.

No one will use TV sets, we will watch TV on cell phones or wrist watches. People won't use refrigerator as food will be available through just-in-time-delivery services. No one will cook at home nor will they have time for it. Lunch will be had at workplace and dinner in the car/cab on the way back. There will be no time for breakfast.

Most of the population will be using mass transport system as there will be no place to drive or park.

There is a lot more to come on this post. Because I be very specific and use accurate figures to announce my speculation it's taking time to compile the rest of the post. Visit the blog in coming days to know how we would eradicate poverty, solve the garbage disposal, drug abuse, population explosion, global warming and related problems.

My Millions On The Net

2007-01-05T00:13:00.000-08:00

Recently I unintentionally checked my gmail spams to discover my windfall. I have emails from amicable strangers telling me I have won millions in online lottery. Now even my grandmother who warned me against alcohol and lottery won’t be complaining about me winning colossal sums without buying the tickets.

The lottery emails have added a few valuable bytes to my knowledge base. Now I know that BMW has a lottery department and Bill Gates is into lottery business too. I have also won ‘BRITISH GAMING BOARD’ and ‘The Irish Lottery’ lotteries. I am providing you the list of my prizes

THE LOTTERY DEPARTMENT BMW £850,000
THE IRISH LOTTERY Euros6,548,759
UK NATIONAL LOTTERY £251,420,000
UK NATIONAL LOTTERY £250,000
BILL GATES FOUNDATION LOTTERY Euros50,000,000
BIG TIME INTERNATIONAL SWEEPSTAKES £1,000,000

If they pay me repeated sums for the repeated emails then I may have to upgrade my PC RAM to calculate the grand total in Indian Rupees. I would have to hire an accountant to look after my taxes, which would be several times my current annual income.

I have been using Internet for the past 6 years and have paid thousands in phone bills. Currently I have a DSL line which is expensive at Rs.699 per month but this is a sand grain to what the Internet has earned me. I would suggest to all the slothful, who aren’t lazy enough not to listen, to get a email id. Well! a couple of ids would be better but that would require the extra flexing of muscles as this would require monitoring spams in several accounts. My high school teacher puts it, “Never judge a person by the nature of his work. Every profession is great in its own way.” Today I couldn’t disagree with her; the rewards for filling a online form could be enormous. I’m among the living beneficiaries.

My millions are shaping the writer in me. In the future I may publish my own weekly magazine in which I may write anything from my cousins lost cell phone to my bathroom fittings. Well! It’s the duty of the general masses to read the rich and the famous. I can distribute this magazine for free to my friends, relatives, workmates and other intellectually superior readers like you.

I am required to fill extra-long forms with my personal data to claim the money. I would let you know more on this as soon as I do the same and get the cash.
For now I am thankful to all my benefactors for hunting down my email id and timely notifying me about my prizes.

Ch 8 : Final Words

2006-11-26T05:18:00.000-08:00

Such is the greatness of this man; he has brought tonnes of fun and happiness to our world.

May God save you if you still didn’t understand what’s Prytesh. However, don’t go to end your life for this, probably you deserve to live, perhaps only to discover and learn Prytesh.

Ch 7 : On And Off The Field

2006-11-26T05:17:00.001-08:00

Prytesh loves all kind of sports even when he doesn’t understand how most of them are played.

Prytesh once said, “The spirit of sportsmanship is greater than winning. Players should respect their opponents and play should be genuine”.

Prytesh believes that sport is the celebration of humanity. Sport allows humans to compete not on the basis of strength, height or speed but on the basis of courage, self-belief and determination.

Prytesh is against extensive commercialization of sports and trading of players between teams.
Now the major European leagues are taking Prytesh seriously.

Due to lack of time Prytesh doesn’t go to witness matches played in the town. However his good wishes are always with the players. He might personally phone players or send them good-luck cards before important matches.

Prytesh has even changed the behavior of spectators. Earlier we had the ‘Mexican Wave’ during football, tennis and rugby matches. Now we have the ‘Mustache Formation’ by spectators.

Many international players wear the lucky Prytesh lockets, to bring them good luck.
NBA had once put a ban on use of Prytesh lockets, because before that, players from all sides wore the lucky-lockets and consequently 35 consecutive matches ended in ties.

A similar situation had aroused in the English Football league.

Prytesh has made ladies tennis glamorous than ever before. Players wear skirts and tops with Prytesh messages printed on them. Now spectators remain busy during and between play.

Ch 6 : The Center Of Gravity

2006-11-26T05:17:00.000-08:00

For centuries, scientist and geologists believed the Earth’s center of gravity was at its center. This was due to the symmetrical shape of Earth.
But today every man knows the center of Earth’s gravity is where Prytesh is.

Wherever he is people all over want to know how’s he, what’s he doing, what’s he wearing, what’s he eating, what’s he saying, what’s he feeling, what’s he going through and all those things.
He’s a celebrity but doesn’t need any security. Prytesh has hit every aspect of human life. Prytesh is the friend of every poor and lonely, Prytesh cares for the sad and diseased.
Prytesh stands for the protection of tribal communities, their languages and their cultures.

Prytesh doesn’t believe in racism, however he favours cows ahead of buffalos. Prytesh respects and protects natural resources. Prytesh stands for world peace. His slogan ‘make bombs, not war’ has achieved international acceptance, and is a part of foreign policies of many countries.

Prytesh gave a possible solution for the Kashmir conflict between India and Pakistan. He said, “Keep Kashmir and give them Bihar. Let Laloo take care of them”.

Wherever he is, there’s fun and happiness.

Several countries including the US, UK, Australia, Canada, Kenya, Tanzania and others have offered their respective citizenships to Prytesh, but he turned down all.

One of the Prime Ministers of Namibia (name hidden on request) came to power on the basis of his promise that he would allow his people to witness and experience Prytesh in their country. Obviously that didn’t happen and a civil war followed.

Even the US Presidential candidates include the ‘Prytesh factor’ in their campaign to mesmerize their voters. However Prytesh is not a political figure, he won’t make fake promises nor he gives long humorous speeches. He remains away from politicians.

After Prytesh ruled out the possibilities of him being a US citizen, America appealed to the United Nations to declare ‘Prytesh’ as an international possessions so all countries can have equal rights on Prytesh. This appeal met serious international protest as several countries saw this as America’s dark plan to possess Prytesh through the UN.
Prytesh fans and Prytists all over the world got together at Geneva to demonstrate against this American act during the UN security councils annual summit held there that year.

Prytesh is a national treasure. Security analysts fear that Islamic terrorists might abduct Prytesh to force India to give away Kashmir.

“We should not waste time, money, energy and our intelligence thinking about outer space, try to look into yourself and discover the mission of your life”, Prytesh advises.
This message has become world famous. You’ll easily find this and other famous Prytesh sayings on message-plates in schools, restaurants, hospitals, gardens, toilets and else where.

Some people will put his writings on t-shirts, caps, on cars, and even on the exterior of their houses.

Ch 5 : Prytesh For GDP

2006-11-26T05:15:00.001-08:00

He’s the greatest economist after Dr. Amartha Sen.
He knows new ways to revive economy and make business, or should I say the industrialist and entrepreneurs have devised new trade models using Prytesh.
Prytesh is a trade icon, he’s an add icon, but hasn’t done modeling yet.

Several foreign companies the cola, computer and detergent giants have approached Prytesh, but he hasn’t bowed. Prytesh is helping India improve exports.

Last year Walt Disney got permission from Prytesh, and now they are making a 3-D animated movie on him. Universal Studios is begging for the rights to make a animated series called “Mucchad Man”. Kids, youngsters and oldies are desperately waiting for these. Even Subash Ghai’s ‘Mukta Arts International’ tried for a deal, but was cruelly turned down because they wanted to show him as a super hero without the symbolic mustache.

Infact pirating Prytesh pictures and autographs has grown into a new industry employing over 4,500,000 employees in India and an estimated 1,100,000 abroad. Prytesh creates employment.
Using Prytesh as brand promoter is legal only in India.

Prytesh has made selling new cosmetics, health products, cold drinks, packed foods, toys etc. a easy game. People believe in him and buy these products for the Prytesh picture or just his name on them.
For them a Prytesh picture is equivalent to a originality hologram.

A small Prytesh picture, often robbed from newspapers and mags, on any product pack can improve its annual sales by more then 300%.

Foreign sportsman are ready to spend a fortune to get their bats, helmets, center-pads, rackets, shoes, hockey-sticks, golf-clubs autographed by Prytesh.

Since 1983, Indian's annual economic growth rate hasn’t fallen below 5.2, thats because Prytesh’s height is 5’2’’. All 5’2’’ of him contributes.

Prytesh himself is a revenue generator. Each hair of his mustache worth a million rupees.
Prytesh lockets, keychains, stickers, tattoos, posters sell like hot cakes.

Historians and economist believe that the great depression of 1929,and the South-Asian depression of 1997-98 wouldn’t have occurred if Prytesh was born then and there.

Ch 4 : Prytist, Pryteshe and Pryteshism

2006-11-26T05:15:00.000-08:00

Pryteshism is the new social behavior and manners introduced by Prytesh. It has become a new standard today. After socialism, communism, communalism and Gandhism Pryteshism is perhaps the most influential 'ism' in the country. Even after a hundred years from now future generations will say, “Thank God, Prytesh was here to teach us all this”.
In all yester years Indians were condemned for being under-civilized, dirty and ill mannered, first by the Britishers and then by rest of the world. And Prytesh was born to rehash this opinion.
Today no Indian has to be ashamed or embarrassed to be at formal functions and gatherings along with the whites.
On the contrary, white skins are coming to Prytesh to learn.

A man following Pryteshism is called ‘Prytist’ and his female counterpart is called ‘Pryteshe’.

In Pryteshism the respect a man deserves is directly proportional to the ratio of length of his mustache to his height. And the most respected women are the ones who have lesser hair on their head then in their boyfriend’s/husband’s mustache.

In Pryteshism drinking lassi, curds and fruit drinks is a cool thing. You will easily find a Prytist asking for a ‘garam doodh ’, ‘nimbu paani’, ‘naaryal paani’ or ‘kokam sharbat’ in restaurants, college canteens, discos, night cubs, or just anywhere.

Pryteshism believes in ‘a bidi a day keeps the insects away’. Prytesh says, “A smoke before bed is good. It keeps harmful insects, naughty women and mischievous children away from the mustache.”

In Pryteshism you don’t have different glasses for champagne, wine and for whiskey. Any glass would work, as long as you can grip it even after getting drunk. By default Pryteshism discourages inhaling of alcoholic beverages in public places like bars, pubs and at parties. No one has ever seen a Prytist drunk and fallen on roads, gutters or in fields nor anyone has seen him hitting his Pryteshe after a drink or two.

A Prytist is a pure non-vegetarian, only because it’s too difficult to be a veggie. Prytesh explains, “In one kg of vegetables you find 50 gms of insects. And in rice or wheat available on fair prize shops you have all sort of things like bird droppings, lizard eggs, ants and insects. So what do you mean by a pure-veggie?? ”, he questions.

A Prytist enjoys his time outside his home. For a Prytist dancing is fine, as long as he doesn’t step on his partners foot. Holding the partner within 1/8th of an inch is seriously condemnable. While dancing leather shoes are necessary.
If invited at a party, no matchstick lights in his house on the party day. A Prytist attends any party with his Pryteshe, and doesn’t return unless the custards and puddings are over. Saw!!! Prytist doesn’t believe in wasting food.
A Prytist never acts romantic in public places. He won’t share a common ice cream with his Pryteshe in ice-cream parlors or on the beach. He never takes advantage of the darkness in cinema halls. He never whistles at girls on roadside.

During his student days a Prytist will never tickle girls nor will he pull their hair, not even during picnics and out-of-state tours.

A Prytist or a Pryteshe will never use an umbrella during rains, they use full size raincoats because in Pryteshism getting wet is considered as vulgar and highly explicit.

Prytesh is against kissing in public. “This might encourage spread of contagious diseases”, he argues. Hitherto Prytesh hasn’t commented on pre-marriage pregnancy and abortion. He considers these two as too sensitive issues.

Like Prytesh a Prytist believes in rising in love. A Prytist won’t write love letters, poems, or romantic novels nor gift teddy-bears to his girl. He’ll just say it orally and only once.

Prytists stand for ‘Dhaba’ foods. Prytesh once said, “Dust makes food tasty” and he is painfully true.
A Prytist won’t dirty any place by throwing waste paper, empty food packets, water bottles etc.
A Prytist is often found carrying the waste home if no ‘Use Me’ bins are present. If chewing a paan, a Prytist wont spit the colourful extracts on your clothes, car or on your face.

A Prytist always checks for the ‘MENS’ board before entering public toilets. He is never caught unzipped.
Prytist travels by public transport, but always allows women and elderly persons to climb buses first, no doubt he’s always late to class or office.
A Prytist is more than a gentleman, he never argues with bus conductors.
While going out for shopping a Prytist carries a engineering calculator with a graph generator. This is not to check how much he spends or to calculate who gives biggest discounts, but to check how much money is left in pocket.
A Prytist never allows himself to be embarrassed because of an empty wallet, for extra safety he always carries some Rs. 10 notes and coins in his shorts.

Ch 3 : The Child Within Prytesh

2006-11-26T05:14:00.000-08:00

Prytesh loves small ones who are atleast 9 months old. If invited he always gifts a pack of diapers on their first birthdays.
Prytesh is known for his abilities to stop children from crying. He will do anything to make them happy. He’s a Santa on Christmas. He wears the red gown, puts on his hat and boots, wears a white beard, but aa-haa he keeps his thick-black mustache on.
He visits all schools in town on Christmas eve distributing chocolates and cakes.

But this Christmas funda might end as last time he was badly beaten by primary school kids after he gave them ‘Big Babool’ chewing gum and kept the free tattoos for himself. The kids tore away his cloths, pulled his white beard and didn’t even forgive his larger than life mustache.

To check his I.Q. Prytesh turns to the children. He gauges himself by answering the awkward, ludicrous, vulgar and other not-so-childish questions asked by them.

Ch 2 : Prytesh for Womankind

2006-11-26T05:13:00.000-08:00

Girls die for him, women live for him, old ladies pray for him. Prytesh has changed our attitude towards women, the way we talk and flirt with them; the way we think and the things we think about them. He thought us how to hold their hands, and how to dance and move around with them, how to win them and how to get rid of them.

A famous novelist of 20th century has put it as, “No matter wherever he (Prytesh) goes the birds fly in his direction”. And believe me this is true.

Prytesh rather has a strange relation with the women sub-species.
Whenever he’s not selfconcious he likes women, he likes to be with them, he likes to see then at shopping centers, in gardens and at public functions.
But when selfconcious he refuses all this. He says he buys ‘Gladrag’ and ‘Playboy’ not for the dirty pics, but for the articles. He goes to the nightclubs regularly but not for the dancers and strippers, but for the fact that he is a heavy passive smoker.

Once Prytesh had appealed to all intelligent and good-looking boys to avoid falling in love before they grow 22 and to save themselves for the good girls. This made women all over the country very happy and they became even bigger fans of him.

The greatest quality of Prytesh is that he respects women, he never hits them, he never hurts them.
And even after all this greatness, no one has seen Prytesh talking to any girl, not during college, never in the buses, not even behind the church. In general he avoids interacting with women.
No one has seen or heard Prytesh falling in love, that’s because he doesn’t believe in it. He believes in rising with love.
Some analyst say that Prytesh has a hidden affair, some say he’s ‘chupa rustam’, some others believe he has a mistress.

Even Girls have a strange corner for Prytesh.
What didn’t they do to win him. During college days tomboys started growing long hair, because he likes that. They also kept monthly ‘vrat’ for him.
Some switched form jeans to salwaar-kamiz with a dupatta because Prytesh often got cold and forgot to carry his handkerchief. A few junior girls made a wristlet for him from their nails. Prytesh tattoos were the hottest things, some girls under high excitation got the Prytesh tattoos done on their faces but Prytesh didn’t care. Some lucky ones recovered after cosmetic surgery, others had to go for baygon or rat poison.
Even when ragging was strictly banned many first-year girls bribed the seniors to rag them by making them propose to Prytesh. In girls hostel only Prytesh posters were put on walls. There was a time when girls were crazy to wear ‘Prytesh’ branded T-shirts, forehead bands, shoes, socks and whatnot.

Prytesh never took part is any stage or sports event but annual day functions, sport days and get-togethers were incomplete without him. That's because the girls came for Prytesh and the boys came for the girls.

Ch 1 : Prytesh For Science

2006-11-26T05:11:00.000-08:00

Scientifically speaking, Prytesh is not a scientist but a new science by himself.
Prytesh’s contribution to science is enormous; after Newton, Gallelio and Einstein he is arguably the greatest single contributor to science. Yet you wont find his name on any science book or mag. And science will have to pay the price for this some day.

Prytesh’s greatest achievement was when he invented himself, somewhere around 1983.

‘Why did the chickens cross the road?’, this was the question which made physicist scratch their hairless heads for centuries.
Prytesh found the answer by simply using the Newton’s first law of motion, he said “Chickens which are at rest continue to remain at rest and chickens which move, when an unbalanced force acts on them, tend to cross the road ”.
Most scientists believe this is a collorary to Newton’s First Law, but others say that this is a proof for the validity of Newton’s Law itself.

Prytesh always wondered how Newton’s Third law works. “How can a non living object exert force when we push against it”, he wondered.
Once while watching a bull fight Prytesh discovered a practical proof for Newton’s Third law.
He saw two bulls clashing head to head and pushing each other, but none of them was able to dislodge the other because they exerted the same force in opposite directions, and there was a dead-lock. He considered the bulls as bull A and bull B.
Prytesh explains, “Replace the bull A by a stationary wall, bull B still cant push the wall, the same way as he wasn’t able to push bull A, that’s it, bull A pushing bull B is equivalent to the wall pushing bull B.”
Thanks to Prytesh, Newton was proved right once again.

The only thing that prevented Prytesh from becoming as noted and famous as Sir Newton was the absence of apple trees in his village.

Prytesh refuses to accept that Earth revolves around the Sun, he explains, “There is nothing like absolute position of an object in the space, so one can’t say that earth goes around the sun, or the vice-versa. Earth and sun follow parallel paths at constant relative velocity and earth takes about 23 hrs and 57 mins to complete one rotation about its own axis.”
He further says, “If earth was revolving around the sun, it would have continuously lost energy due to its rotation about its axis and the radius of its circular orbit would have reduced continuously. Finally earth would have slammed into the sun and all chickens would have become tandooris, but this is not the case.”

Prytesh does not believe in Aliens nor does he believe in existence of life outside the solar system.

Prytesh laughs at NASA’s plans for building interstellar space vehicles.
He says, “The distance between Earth and its neighboring stars is several light years, so even if you built a space vehicle travelling near the speed of light, which is almost impossible, you would take hundreds of years to reach there ”.
He further explains, “Average age of a human being is 64 yrs. Even if you start your interstellar journey as soon as you are born, you wont be alive to complete the journey. Also how will you supply fuel and food for so many years?”

Prytesh also proposed the theory of ‘Biological Reversal’.
He states, “In every cell of every animal, there’s an inactive part called the ‘Junk DNA’, if somehow this junk part is made to be dominant then we can biologically go back in time, i.e. induce devolution”.
Earlier this theory met severe resistance from Darwin’s followers, and especially from the Roman Catholic Church. But after the encounter of so called ‘monkey man’ the ‘Biological Reversal’ theory is getting wide acceptance.

Prytesh was nominated for the Nobel prize a couple of times but it was found that his name always appeared in the wrong categories.

Preface : There's Something About Prytesh

2006-11-26T05:09:00.000-08:00

“Who’s Prytesh??”
According to the latest edition of ‘Oxford Grammar Dictionary’ such a statement is grammatically incorrect.
The correct one is “What’s Prytesh?”, and the word Prytesh has universal meanings.
For a biologist Prytesh is a proof for the truthfulness of Darwin’s theory of evolution. For a naturalist Prytesh is the ultimate creation of nature. For an artist Prytesh is an inspiration. For elderly people Prytesh is the father of mankind. For a young girl Prytesh is the father of her to be born children.
He’s a cheerleader for a sportsman, a holy gift for a saint, a toy for a child, and just a hope for a layman.

This piece of writing is not enough to describe Prytesh and his achievements. This is just an introduction.

song : The Girl on the Ground Floor

2006-10-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

The story goes this way
A boy likes a girl staying on the ground floor of the opposite building. He watches her from his window on the 2nd floor. She is already with another boy, but her boyfriend doesn't suit her well nor does he treat her right.

The Girl on the Ground Floor

He says it's bad, she says it's better
He wont let eat worrying about she growing fatter
She keeps a dog, she finds it lovely
With a grimace on his face he says it's ugly
You tell her lies, you and your stories are hated
he's a prankster, every word he speaks is fabricated
He could be disguising, he can act a pest
When caught chasing other girls swears she's the best
Busting the silence he plays CDs and FM radio
She likes murmuring songs from the movies she saw
To flaunt to his friends he takes her on a ride
What he misses watching is her hair drifting by the side
She makes him wear her colors, never asks for more
For her to know what she's missing I gotta get the girl on the ground floor.